DAVES POETRY


These are parts of a book I wrote in prison, it will be updated whenever Monica can be fucked!



MY LIFE COMMENCED IN SCOTLAND ON 28 JUNE 1961. I WAS BORN AT PAISLEY HOSPITAL GLASGOW.

I WAS THE SECOND BOY BORN TO MY PARENTS (MY BROTHER GEORGE WAS TWO YEARS OLDER).

BOTH PARENTS CAN BOAST A LONG SCOTTISH ANCESTRY. FAR REMOVED FROM THE ARISTOCRACY.

WE ARRIVED IN A NEW COUNTRY IN 1962 AFTER A BOAT TRIP OF 15,000 MILES. THEY WERE TOUGH TIMES. I GREW UP WITHOUT MY FATHER DUE TO HIS IMMEDIATELY ABSCONDING UPON OUR ARRIVAL. THE ATTRACTION OF OTHER WOMEN FOR HIM WAS AN IRRESISTIBLE TEMPTATION.

WE KNEW VERY FEW PEOPLE INITIALLY AND LIVED IN A SMALL BUNGALOW IN THE OUTER EASTERN SUBURBS OF MELBOURNE. EARLY MEMORIES ARE VAGUE BUT I DO REMEMBER BEING BATHED IN A SINK FOR LACK OF A BATHROOM.

OUR FAMILY CONSISTED OF THE THREE OF US. MUM GEORGE AND I. WE WERE VISITED BY OUR FATHER INTERMITTENTLY FOR ABOUT EIGHT YEARS. THEN HE WENT HIS OWN WAY FOR REASONS I DO NOT KNOW. THE LESS SAID ABOUT THIS RELATIONSHIP (OR LACK OF A RELATIONSHIP) THE BETTER.

MY EARLY MEMORIES OF MELBOURNE WERE TOUGH, HARD TIMES WITHOUT ANY FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE FROM OUR 'FATHER' AND 'HUSBAND'. WE WERE BROUGHT UP BY A LOVING AND INDEPENDENT MOTHER WHO HAD LITTLE EXTENDED FAMILY TO CALL UPON. A MOTHER AS DUTY BOUND AS OUR'S, HAD LITTLE OPPORTUNITIES, OR TIME, TO MAKE FRIENDS.

MY MOTHER WAS A LITERATE AND SMART LADY WHO LOOKED AFTER HER CHILDREN WELL. SHE WAS A HARD WORKING PROVIDER. A MOTHER WHO HAD AMBITIONS FOR HER CHILDREN. AS A SEWING MACHINE OPERATOR, SHE WORKED LONG AND ARDUOUS HOURS FOR MANY YEARS TO SUPPORT HER CHILDREN.


MY MOTHER REMARRIED AROUND 1971 AND WE IMMEDIATELY INHERITED NORM AND 5 STEP BROTHERS AND SISTERS. THE PERMUTATIONS OF NEW RELATIONSHIPS IN THE 'NEW' ENVIRONMENT STRAINED THE HARMONY THRESHOLD. MY STEP FATHER NORM ALSO WORKED HARD AND HAD THREE JOBS AT ONE STAGE TO TRY TO HOLD THE SHIP TOGETHER.

THIS MAN DESERVED AND STILL CONTINUES TO DESERVE MY ADMIRATION FOR HIS DEDICATION TO HIS FAMILY.

DRINK BECAME A WAY OF LIFE. IT WAS AN ATTEMPT TO ENTER THE OLDER ADOLESCENT PEER GROUP AND ALCOHOLISM WAS KNOCKING AT THE DOOR QUITE SOON. WITH DRINK COMES BAD DECISIONS, NEED FOR MONEY, VIOLENCE AND A BAD ATTITUDE. SCHOOL LIFE BECAME AS ONE COULD ANTICIPATE. I WAS BORED. OTHER FACTORS WERE LACK OF INSPIRATION AND MOTIVATION. LONG TERM GOALS DIDN'T EXIST.

I JOINED THE WORKFORCE AT AGE 15, OBVIOUSLY LACKING EDUCATION AND LIFE SKILLS. WORK CONSISTED OF FABRICATING CONCRETE ORNAMENTS FOR A HARD, AND FAIR, SELF MADE BUSINESS MAN, RAY WILLIS.

THIS EMPLOYMENT WITH RAY CONTINUED IN PERIODS OVER 8 YEARS IN BETWEEN TIMES OF CONFLICT.

THIS MAN WAS MY MENTOR AND BECAME A GOOD FRIEND. (HE ASSISTED ME WHEN I WAS APPREHENDED ON CONSPIRACY TO COMMIT ARMED ROBBERY IN 1979.THESE WERE SERIOUS CHARGES AND RAY BAILED ME AFTER 18 MONTHS ON REMAND AS SOON AS HE FOUND OUT MY PREDICAMENT.)

THE RELATIONSHIP WITH MY STEP FAMILY AT THAT TIME WAS POOR TO SAY THE LEAST. MY STEP FATHER NORM ALWAYS TRIED HARD BUT DEEP DOWN THERE WAS NATURAL REBELLION AT HAVING TO SHARE MY MOTHER AND AN INVASION OF 'MY' SPACE.

MY EMPLOYMENT WITH RAY EXTENDED TO MINI MIX CONCRETE, CONTRACT CLEANING AT THE NOW DEMOLISHED WHITE HORSE HOTEL.


I WENT MY OWN WAY AFTER THIS AND ENTERED THE SEAMY SIDE OF LIFE WITHOUT ANY SUPPORT NETWORK WHAT SO EVER. DRUGS, ALCOHOL AND THE INEVITABLE TROUBLE THAT FOLLOWED. VIOLENCE WITH ALCOHOL BECAME A WAY OF LIFE. SURVIVAL ON THE STREETS COMBINED WITH THE EFFECT OF 18 MONTHS IN JAIL AT THE AGE OF 17 YEARS HAD A DRAMATIC EFFECT.

I FOUND MYSELF WITH A COMPLETE DISILLUSIONMENT WITH PEOPLE, POLICE, COURTS, MAGISTRATES, FRIENDS ( 2 VISITORS IN 18 MONTHS OF PRISON!) AND A HATE TOWARDS EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE. JAIL HARDENED AND EMBITTERED ME TOWARD THE WORLD. THE 'SKILLS' LEARNT INSIDE WERE NOT CONDUCIVE TO OBTAINING AND EXTENDING MY LAW ABIDING WORK.

HOW COULD A MAN COPE WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF THIS 18 MONTHS INSIDE? HOW DOES A 17 YEAR OLD COPE AFTER THIS? THE ANSWER CAME WITHOUT CONSCIOUSLY TRYING TO FIND A COPING MECHANISM. IF YOU HAD ENOUGH ALCOHOL AND DRUGS OVER A LONG TIME, THE MEMORIES WOULD BE SLOWLY OBLITERATED, OR WERE THEY?

RAY CAME TO THE RESCUE, AGAIN. A JOB WAS OBTAINED AT A BOTTLE SHOP IN BLACKBURN AND FOR THE NEXT 18 MONTHS LIFE WAS COMPARATIVELY GOOD.
GOD KNOWS WHERE I COULD HAVE ENDED UP ON THE DOWNWARD SLIDE WITHOUT THIS MAN'S TIMELY INTERVENTION.

I WAS ACQUITTED OF THE CHARGE EVENTUALLY. THE PRICE OF 18 MONTHS SERVED TOOK ITS TOLL. IT TURNED A 17 YEAR OLD BOY INTO AN EMBITTERED MAN.

I TOURED AUSTRALIA FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS. I SAW ALOT OF INLAND AUSTRALIA AND FELT THE EXHILARATION OF ITS VASTNESS. I EXPERIENCED ALOT OF WHAT THIS WIDE LAND HAS TO OFFER ESPECIALLY IN OUTBACK W.A. UNFORTUNATELY ENDING UP IN PRISON IN FREMANTLE FOR ASSAULTING POLICE WHILE HEAVILY INEBRIATED.

I EVENTUALLY RETURNED TO MELBOURNE, ALCOHOL PLAYED ITS PART AGAIN. DRUGS OF COURSE WERE PART OF THE SCENE. TRAFFIC, POSSESSION AND USE WERE MY TRIFECTA. MY CLEANLINESS AND PERSONAL HYGIENE WERE AT A LOW EBB. MY SELF ESTEEM REACHED AN ALL TIME LOW.

THE SLIDE THEN BECAME A PLATEAU. NO POSITIVE DEVELOPMENTS. NO REAL AIMS. NO GOALS. DRIFTING IN AND OUT OF DRUG AND ALCOHOL AFFECTED STATES.

THIS SLIDE WAS PUNCTUATED BY RAY'S INTERVENTION. ONCE AGAIN RAY PROVIDED EMPLOYMENT AND STRONG SUPERVISION, WORKING AT THE FRANKSTON PIER HOTEL AS A YARDMAN. WITHOUT THIS MAN I COULD HAVE REACHED LOW DEPTHS. WITHOUT HIS INVOLVEMENT IN MY LIFE, I ALMOST MAY NOT HAVE HAD ANY MORE LIFE. HOW CAN ONE PAY FOR THIS TIMELY ASSISTANCE? I OWE HIM A DEBT OF GRATITUDE

I FINALLY MET A GOOD 5/8( A MATE!) WHO HAS PROVED TO BE A FRIEND. A FRIEND WHO HAS SHOWN COMPASSION, LOYALTY AND TRUST OVER A LONG PERIOD. IT WAS AN ASPECT OF MY LIFE THAT I HAD PREVIOUSLY NOT HAD. WAS IT THE FACT THAT THE CULTURAL STEREOTYPE OF THE AUSSIE MALE COULDN'T HAVE A GOOD MATE OR WAS IT MY MATURING AND EVENTUALLY HAVING THE ABILITY TO RELATE POSITIVELY TO ANOTHER MALE? I CONSIDER MYSELF AS AN APPROACHABLE AND FRIENDLY PERSON AND COULD THIS BE A PROBLEM WITH THE MALE POPULATION GENERALLY? I AM STILL PROUD TO CALL THIS MAN MY BEST FRIEND TO THIS DAY.

A WOMAN THEN ENTERED MY LIFE. WE MARRIED. HAVING A LADY AND THE NOVELTY OF STABILITY WORE OFF QUICKLY AND THE MARRIAGE FAILED MISERABLY. I CAN ACCEPT A LARGE PORTION OF THE LACK OF SUCCESS IN OUR RELATIONSHIP. ALL I HAD TO OFFER WAS A HUSBAND WHO WAS A DRUG DEALER AND WISE GUY. NOT THE FOUNDATIONS OF A LONG AND MEANINGFUL LIFE TOGETHER.

THE WHOLE RELATIONSHIP AND MARRIAGE WAS LARGELY A NEGATIVE EXPERIENCE FOR BOTH OF US. I HAD THE POTENTIAL TO LEARN FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP. ASSOCIATION OF CONVENIENCE WAS NOT A GREAT RECIPE FOR SUCCESS.

THE INEVITABLE END OF MY MARRIAGE WAS APPROACHING.


ANOTHER LADY WAS TO ENTER THE SCENE. I NOW HAD MORE TO OFFER, A MAN WITH A BROAD EXPERIENCE OF LIFE, A MAN WITH A GENUINE FRIEND, A MAN AWARE OF THE MEANING OF LOVE, LOYALTY AND RESPECT. THE BITTERNESS I HAD HARBOURED OVER A LONG TIME HAD MELLOWED AND HAD LEFT SOME SPACE FOR SOME POSITIVE HUMAN EMOTIONS.

I NEEDED SOMEONE WHO COULD ACCEPT ME AS I WAS. I BELIEVED, DEEPDOWN, I WAS A SOCIABLE, POTENTIALLY FRIENDLY, LOYAL, TRUSTING, TALENTED, CREATIVE INDIVIDUAL WHO HAD SOMETHING INTANGIBLE TO OFFER.

LOVE WAS AN EMOTION THAT LAY DORMANT. I KNEW THAT I COULD LOVE. IT HAD ALWAYS BEEN THERE. DOES LOVE MEAN MORE AFTER HAVING REACHED THE DEPTHS OF DESPAIR?

IF A WOMAN WAS TO ENTER THE SCENE SHE HAD TO CONTEND WITH A MAN STILL IN THE GRIPS OF MANY BITTER FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS. THE REASONS WHY DRUGS, ALCOHOL AND VIOLENCE WERE SUCH A BIG PART OF MY LIFE WERE OBVIOUSLY STILL DEEPLY EMBEDDED IN MY PSYCHE. I HAD ALL THE INGREDIENTS OF ANOTHER FALL FROM GRACE. THE CIRCLE I WAS DEALING IN WAS WHAT COULD BE EXPECTED IN THE DANGEROUS AND VIOLENT WORLD OF DRUGS AND ALCOHOL. THE SCRIPT WAS PREDICTABLE.

I BADLY NEEDED A REASON TO JUSTIFY MY EXISTENCE.

COULD THIS MAN FIND A SOULMATE? WAS ALL THE LOVE INSIDE ME EVER TO HAVE A FOCUS? YES IT DID. I EVENTUALLY FOUND THE LADY FOR ME. ANOTHER CHAPTER IN THE BOOK WAS ABOUT TO COMMENCE. THIS CHAPTER WAS ABOUT ROMANCE AND LOVE AND THE POWER OF TWO PEOPLE OVER ONE. THE POWER OF TWO PEOPLES LOVE OVER ONE MANS RAGE. THIS WOMAN HAD TO START WITH AN ALCOHOLIC, DRUG ADDICTED AND HATE FILLED MAN. SHE SAW A GLIMMER OF LIGHT INSIDE. THIS WAS TO BECOME THE FLAME OF FIRE FUELLED BY LOVE.

I HAD FOUND MY SOULMATE I HAD FOUND KRISTA.


REGRETTABLY ANOTHER UNFORTUNATE EPISODE WAS ABOUT TO UNFOLD.
ONE NIGHT KRISTA AND MYSELF WERE TO AGAIN BE DRAGGED INTO THE
DARKNESS.

THE SCENE WAS A GROUP OF SO CALLED 'FRIENDS' AFTER HEAVY CONSUMPTION OF DRUGS AND ALCOHOL OVER AN EXTENDED PERIOD. THIS GROUP HAD COMBINATIONS OF PAIRS OF PARTNERS. MYSELF AND KRISTA INCLUDED. LOVE, ALCOHOL, JEALOUSY, UNFAITHFULNESS, ACCUSATIONS, THREATS, AND DISHONESTY WERE A VOLATILE MIX. THE SPARK COULD HAVE COME FROM ANYWHERE. A BOMB WAS READY TO EXPLODE.

AND EXPLODE IT DID, RIGHT IN MY FACE.

AGAINST TWO EXTREMELY VIOLENT AGGRESSORS I FOUND MYSELF ONCE AGAIN FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE. I ONLY HAD TWO CHOICES; FIGHT OR DIE. I CHOSE TO LIVE. POLICE, CHARGES, COURTS AND JAIL WAS THE INEVITABLE RESULT. AFTER EIGHTEEN MONTHS OF STRESS, POLICE, SHRINKS, AND TWENTY FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS LATER; I WAS IMPRISONED AGAIN. ONCE MORE I FELT USED, ABUSED AND ANGRY.

I HAVE USED THIS TIME IN PRISON POSITIVELY AND CONSTRUCTIVELY. I HAVE WRITTEN THIS BOOK OF POEMS SO THAT OTHERS MAY SHARE MY FEELINGS ON POLICE, COURTS, PRISON, LOVE, LOYALTY, FRIENDSHIP, AND TRUST. I TRULY FEEL THERE IS SOMETHING IN THIS BOOK FOR EVERYONE.

IT SEEMS I HAVE FOUND LATE IN LIFE A FORM OF RELEASE IN MY WRITING OF POEMS. I WILL TRY AND FOCUS ON THIS RECENT DEVELOPMENT. AND I NOW LOOK FORWARD TO THE FUTURE.


I HOPE YOU ENJOY READING IT AS MUCH AS I HAVE ENJOYED WRITING IT.
I LOOK FORWARD TO WRITING MY NEXT BOOKS AS A FREE MAN.

YOURS FAITHFULLY DAVID KERR
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